Hello all my little bumpkins... I wanted to share a little story with you. Now, I am currently trying to figure out what I would like to pursue a new career in, so I am going to pretend at the moment like I am writing for a magazine.... : ) No, seriously.
This is a TRUE story....
Soooooo, some of you know, other's please don't pass out, but yes, "prissy, high heel wearing, please monsieur wipe the sweat from my face, do these spandex make my butt look big, how can i wear dangly earrings when i run... they just keep smacking me in the face?!?" aka MOI has taken on a new found hobby of running in the last few months. And, even more shocking.... I actually kinda like it!
Anyways, a couple days ago one of my best friends, Monesha (who just ran in a marathon in Jan) asked me if I wanted to run the rock n roll 1/2 marathon in VA beach with her. Monesha coincidentally sent an e-mail that I received while I was "3 strong drinks deep (a lil intoxicated)".... so, what do i do.... SURE! Clicked right onto that website and signed this big ol' booty up! The next day I had that morning after of, "oh dear god, what have i done/gotten myself into?!" Whoopsies! Anyways, I quickly realized, there was simply no turning back now!
So, the wardrobe hunt begins. Clearly, starting with the proper shoes first. Where do you go when you want the best deals on shoes?!? DSW! Obviouslyyyy, I mean, come on girls... we all know they have the CUTEST designer shoes at WAY less (here's a prime example.... went shopping at Nordstrom today and stopped myself from buying an ADORABLE/MUST HAVE pair of chinese laundry shoes which were $79. 2 hours later, I got the SAME pair of shoes for just $41.... miracle? no, just god's subtle way of saying, "Janet, these shoes were MEANT for you.") okay, so anyways..... I started to get REALLY overwhelmed with all these cross training, running, air bubbles, gel spots!?! ahhhhhh, what's a girl to do!? I don't speak that kind of language. I call my coach - Monesha that is. She clearly did not know WHAT she was getting herself into when she asked me to join her in such a thing. So bear with me... Mo almost gagged when I told her I was at DSW, and ordered me to promptly get out of that pish-posh store and head over to Metro - which is a running/walking store. Obviously, I took her order and I was off.
I walk in with my gaucho pants, flip flops, coach bag, hoops, Gucci sunglasses, a little tank top, and headband to see 2 athletic/granola men staring me like, "No honey, you ain't in Bloomies anymore!" So I immediately said, "HELP ME!" No, seriously, i did. After a couple chuckles, they lead me to the back. Who knew that at a running store, you were supposed to bring socks? I thought that was just for bowling. The kind gentleman lent me a pair of NEON GREEN socks... matched perfectly with the gold and black outfit i was wearing - NOT (please say that in a Borat voice)!!! I started to develop a slight twitch just thinking about the fashion faux paux I was in the middle of.... As if that weren't embarrassing enough... he made me run for him! So, I am doing the Baywatch scene in neon socks?! Waaaaaaah!!!
Anyways, the kind man brings me out several pairs of shoes. Each time I had to do some running. Each time I am thinking, "what the hell am I even looking for? how come these things don't come with platforms, fancy buckles, or even a little kitten heel?!" So then, one pair felt good - However, they were this god awful blue color. ELECTRIC Blue! So, I kindly told the man, "I am sorry, but I don't do blue. It just doesn't look good on me. I don't own blue shirts, dresses, socks, nothing." He told me that I was kind of lucky, because those were the only shoes he actually did have in 2 colors. Monesha told me after I called to tell her about this debacle, that one of the number one rules is that you can't pick the color --- she SHOULD have told me this before. I could have prepped myself. He finally brought out a final pair that I just adored, and I told him I was especially happy because i LOVED the color! He looked at me kinda weird and said, "Are you playing with me now? I am sorry, that has got to be a joke." So then I got really confused, and was like, "No, why?? I am serious. These are the shoes I want." He said, "BUT THEY ARE BLUE!" I said, "Oh no my friend, theseee are TURQUOISE! One of my FAVORITE colors!" : ) He told his co-worker he "had a LOT to learn."
So then, I had to get something to help my dehydration, because when I have been running on hot days I get this awful foam like substance around my lips - Rule #1: Don't look like you have rabies when you are trying to pick up a possible hot man/men while running. Rule #2: Foam does not mesh well with red lipstick. It's a dreaded affair. Soooo, ladies and gents, I am currently bringing 80's style back. I bought a FANNY PACK! A fanny pack! ahhhhhhhh, ahahah this is so awful you just have to laugh at it. My velcro fanny pack holds 2 small water bottles to help with my foam situation.
That about sums it up so far... I will keep you posted on my journey as a prodigy runner! ; ) Next step is some deodorant looking thing for chafing?! oh dear, this could get ugly!